Police Help Local Women Learn Safety

The local police often run the same old self-defense course but I wanna help too, so here are a few tips I'd like to offer:

- Never believe anything a man says.

- Buy your own home and never expect a guy to take care of you.

- Learn how to make a sandwich in less than 2 minutes . . . with no complaints.

- Do not date Kobe Bryant.

- Realize that a guy with a great job, huge penis, nice car, no kids and a mom who loves you is either gay or currently married to someone more attractive and interesting than you.

- Unless you're fighting an Asian guy, never believe for a second that you can beat a man in a no-holds barred streetfight. Best thing to do is run and crap your pants so that he won't want you any more . . . I've really heard this works.

- You face a greater danger from the random dudes you invite in your home for casual sex than from some guy on the street.

Stay safe and remember that uncomfortably shifting your purse when a minority walks past is just gonna piss them off and won't really protect you. Better just to shout racial epithets or don't walk to your car at night by yourself.