Play time is over

A new playground facility at Woodland Elementary raises false hope of urban renewal.

The school, which had no play equipment before, is the site of what is hoped eventually will be a $3.2 million outdoor athletic and play complex to benefit a neighborhood east of downtown.

“This is part of the 12th Street resurgence, a multimillion-dollar project transforming your neighborhood and making it a safe and prosperous place,” said J. Carnell Wallace, director of the nonprofit 12th Street Heritage Development Corp.

Keep telling yourself that smart guy. I just hope the playground equipment is bulletproof so the kids have something to hide behind. Additionally, I’m a big believer that form should follow function in any architectural design so I hope that the playground offers the following items to increase its value to the people who will be predominantly using the grounds:

• Well lit and stable swings for heroin junkies to shoot up in and pass out on.


• Flexible slides so hookers can “whoop that trick”


• Stain-proof see-saws for piss smelling bums


• Crack pipe holders for kids ages 8 to 80


• Finally, the park should also feature recycling bins for all the bullet casings that will undoubtedly be strewn across the park.