Westport Rapist

Like Kaiser Soze, the Westport rapist was a kind of mythic archetype that frightened anyone who lived in midtown during the latter half of the 20th century.

Local skanks knew that if they partied just a little too hard The Westport Rapist was out there waiting for them. Yell at your woman too much, she’ll go out walking and maybe run into the Westport Rapist. You’re a successful career woman and don’t think you need a man? The Westport rapist is out there and he likes that you’re so independent.

No more. Authorities think they’ve finally found the identity of the Westport Rapist thanks to DNA evidence. You know, the same DNA evidence that incriminated O.J. Simpson so clearly that he now resides in a jail cell . . . wait. Anyway, young sluts, barflys and lonely women no longer need to fear the Westport rapist and should feel free to engage in risky behavior after dark.