Summer Spree

The idea of a real life team of “fashion police” could be quite useful. A recent local crime spree gone wrong demonstrates the danger posed by tasteless crooks:

Police said they didn't take anything there, but went to the Target on Shawnee Mission Parkway. They said that is where they stole a moped and an El Camino . . . When police showed up they said the suspects ran and hid inside a woman's basement.

When her son walked in, they allegedly stabbed him twice in the arm.

He was expected to be okay.

All of this violence could have been avoided if these guys would have been arrested years ago for sporting a mullet or a muscle shirt. Think about it, it’s always the kid still wearing the “Member’s Only” Jacket in high school that eventually grows up to be a date rapist. The Junior College skank who became a hooker probably started with a lower back tattoo or maybe just excessive use of a hair crimper. Serial killers can’t leave the house without their denim jackets and I’ve never even heard of a drug dealer who didn’t own at least two pairs of patent leather basketball shoes.

Thankfully, these vulgar villains are behind bars. Their days of robbing campy vintage cars and toys for gay men are over. But somewhere there is a young girl wearing a dress over a pair of jeans that will bring this whole civilization to an end. Only the advent of the “Fashion Police” will save us. Either that or we can simply start shooting every young woman who owns a CD by the Indigo Girls.