Gimme one more chance OR Less Than Zero

(Picture me, on my knees and begging as you’re walking out the door. You’ve grabbed your purse, dried your eyes and prepared to start your life anew)

Tony: Please baby! Don’t go. You know I love you. I didn’t mean to say all those stupid hurtful things. I’m sorry. Your mother is actually a very pleasant and attractive woman. No baby, both of your legs are the same length.

Never again. I promise I’ll never go near you again with a wire clothes hanger. I know now that you have sensitive skin. Just give me one more chance!

And then from behind my back I pull out free tickets to the KC Rock N Comedy festival Saturday, July 9th at Grinders. If you want a free ticket courtesy of the awesome guys at The Big Dumb Fun Show send me an e-mail with your name and I’ll leave it with the guys at will call. Limit two names per e-mail. A nude picture of your hot girlfriend that I can post on this site will get you three tickets.

Ah, now let’s end the scene:

Tony: That’s right baby. Come back to me. I love you, you know I don’t mean to hurt you.

You put down the purse, walk back inside and close the door behind you.

Tony: Now make me a chicken pot pie!!! You whiny bitch!

Note: I know, domestic abuse is rarely funny but when it is, it's fucking hilarious.